Can I get a "Woot Woot"?

Something that was missing in my year of a personal "winter" last year was people and getting involved.

yeah.

You heard me.

People who know the State-side Abby probably aren't all that shocked.
People who know the Chine-side Abby are probably ready to debate it.

Let me explain.  It's not that I've changed into a completely different person since being in China.  Rather, I think its that living in China, even the daily work routine, is so much more taxing on my energy reserve than being in America, that when I'm done for the day at school I just want to hide myself in my home.

Despite being the strong introvert than I am, I have found, through the circumstances of last year, that I love people.
I pretty sure I take after my dad.  I'm not usually the one to start a conversation, but once you get me started... it's hard to get me to stop.  I'm pretty sure I repeat myself quite a bit too...  (Dad: I mean that it all the best ways!  Love you bunches!!!  :)  As mom often tells me, I am my father's daughter)

Anyway... to remedy this problem of not being with people, a couple of us have made an effort to get together at least once a month (so far) to have a Settlers of Catan game night.  Holler if you LOVE settlers!!!

HOLLA!!!  (I know, I don't ever say that... but I readily put my pride aside for settlers!)

*Side note: If you have not been introduced to the island of Catan nor had the chance to settle it... you are seriously missing out!  Go find some semi-nerdy to nerdy college guys.  They're probably your best bet of finding someone who knows what I'm talking about.  ;)

Back to the main topic:
Besides participating in Settlers Game Nights, I've been volunteering at a local coffee shop, offering my English skills to better the English skills of Chinese people.  Well, to be truthful, I usually have to "dumb"down their English a little bit because they're trying to use words that no one has used in 50 or so years.

Volunteering there is always comical.  Two Wednesdays ago we got to talking about my home town and the smell of manure and what people do with cow patties.  :)  Last Wednesday my friend, James (a business person) kept pulling out all of these really big, you-only-see-in-books kind of words.  I'm pretty sure his English vocabulary is more extensive than mine... which is pretty embarrassing.

I have one more thing I've recently gotten involved with.
NOW THIS IS SOMETHING I'M SUPER EXCITED ABOUT:
I can't tell you about it just yet, because I need to give you the back story that shows God's perfect timing.

My first summer here (2010), my friend Ashley and I did a cooking class for the moms of her students.  We did this as our CR (community relations) project.  I absolutely loved it, and I'm pretty sure the moms that came had a good time too!

During the school year of my second year here (2010-2011) Ash and I kept in touch with one of those mothers.  The original plan was to do a language swap where one day a week Ash and I taught this mother English, and another day, she taught us Korean.  Well it became obvious that us and learning Korean language weren't going to mix very well, so it ended up changing into a cooking swap while we still helped this mother improve her English.

Last school year (2011-2012), I wasn't ever involved with the Korean community, which made me feel like I was missing out on something.  (That actually isn't a great way to explain my feeling, but that's all I got for now.)  I would only see those mothers if they came to the school or if we had a school-related function.

I remember, it was near the end of the school year, when I told our previous ESOL teacher how much I missed being a part of the Korean community.  It was that same week, on a Friday, when I was invited to a Korean BBQ with one of the families from our school.  As it turned out, the parents in this family were looking for an American to teach an American cooking class.

I INSTANTLY knew that this opportunity was for me!  (It was great timing because if they had asked me to do it during that school year, I would've had to turn it down)

We talked just a little bit about it over dinner, saying we'd wait until after the new school year started to start the class.

Well, the school year has started.  We had a meeting about the class two Tuesdays ago, and today (Saturday 15) was our first meeting.  We didn't cook anything today, it was just more of an "orientation" of sorts and figuring out how we would run the class and buy the ingredients.

We had no idea what to expect or who to expect or how many to expect.  Besides me and the two other  American teachers who are leading the class with me, there were 8 others and we're expecting a couple of other women to join next week.  Two of the women who came to the cooking class in the summer of 2010 are joining in for this class as well.  :)

Truth be told, I'm feeling a little out of my league.  Most of these women are mothers who have been cooking for a lot longer than I have.  I was feeling so intimidated this morning while I was getting ready (the Korean moms are always so "put together") that I actually ironed my clothes.  I know that sounds silly to some, but not once have I ever pulled out the iron or ironing board to iron clothes over here... I usually just deal.  :)

It's okay though, the two other teachers (Eileen and Kara), who are with me in this endeavor, reminded me today that this is just a group of women getting together to have fun and bond over cooking.

I think God was trying to remind me of that same thing this morning when I made a loaf of banana bread for them, just to have something to snack on.
I had printed out the recipe for them, so if they liked the banana bread, they could make it themselves.  This is how my problems started...
First, I accidentally copied the wrong oven temperature.  Luckily for me, I realized it was wrong so I changed my oven temperature appropriately as well as corrected the 30 printed recipes I had to give them.
My second and bigger problem was that I had copied down the wrong amount of flour to put in the bread.  The real recipe said to put in 2 cups, I had wrote (and typed out for the women) 1 cup!  OI!!  Unfortunately for me, I didn't realize my mistake until I took the bread out of the oven and it looked super strange.

What a great way to start a cooking class... make a pretty big mistake on the first food item you make to share with the women!  Despite it's sad-looking state of being, it still tasted pretty good.  Kara and Eileen even said they liked it better this way, 'cuz it was squishy.  (not really the texture you're going for when you're making bread but... ya know... whatever works!)

Well, to say the least, I've been humbled.  Hopefully I won't make a complete idiot out of myself over the course of the 6 week class.  However, if making a fool out of myself is my fate, at least it'll be while doing something I love!



In school news:  So far so good.  To be honest, math is probably the easiest of all subjects to create lesson plans for.  It's nice that 3 of my classes are Math.  However, science is a completely different realm, at least it is for me.  I've just finished my first unit (Lab Safety, Nature of Science, and the Scientific Method) with my 7th graders (I'm still pulling my 6th graders along... slowly but surely we'll finish the unit [I kind of feel like the little engine that could]).  Now I'm getting to content that hasn't been fully developed into a curriculum yet.  I'm working on it, but the last time I taught Earth Science was my first year of teaching, 3 years ago.  In many ways, it feels like I'm teaching it for the first time because that first year I had no clue what I was doing.

Anyway, after fellowship tomorrow, I will work on plans to hopefully get me through the next two weeks.  If I can do that, I'll be golden because after the next two full weeks of school is one week of holiday (due to a Chinese national holiday)!  I won't deny that teaching over here has many perks... mostly associated with the holidays we get!  :)


Okay, I still have more to share with ya'll, but I'll leave it for another day and another post.

Until then... toodles.

(*"toodles" reminds me of noodles... of which I tried my hand at making chicken fried noodles today.  Kind of similar to chicken fried rice, but with noodles and more veggies.  It didn't turn out great, but it turned out pretty good.  Hopefully I will hone my chicken fried noodle skills and will be able to make it when I come home next summer!)

Hiatus is over

I'm back from my 6 month blogging hiatus... which is probably ridiculous that I even took a hiatus because it's not like I'm consistent anyway...

So... Feb - Present, here we go.  Luckily for you, I'm writing this at 10:57pm my time... I probably won't be able to make it very much longer.

End of the school year:
By the end of the 2011-2012 school year, I just wanted to quit teaching altogether.  That feeling was silly though, because last year was quite terrible for so many more reasons than just work.  Essentially I was leading a very unbalanced life.  My entire life was work last year; I had nothing outside of that.  I kept thinking to myself, "this is definitely not the kind of life I was to be leading," but I didn't know how to change any of it.

Things started to look up around April (i think) when my roommate and I got to tour the new apartment we moved into this summer.  This new apartment is a huge upgrade from our last apartment... it is truly a blessing!  This apartment feels like a home whereas our old apartment felt like a dorm room.  We even got to paint a couple of rooms the colors we wanted (that's big thing over here; not every landlord is so lenient).  I really can't thank God, and the people who take care of housing enough for finding this awesome apartment for us.  It seems like it was my reward for making it through the year!  :)

In June school ended.  I've never felt such a sense of relief as when this school year was over and I had all of my work completed!!!

Summer:
After school ended my roommate and I went to Korea for 12 days!!!  Seoul was so awesome, it can't be overstated how much I loved it.  Our first impression, SEOUL IS CLEAN!!!!  I didn't see any one spitting out their loogie or allowing their child to go to the bathroom on the sidewalk.  It was incredible!    I really think Seoul is the best of western and Korean culture (for more reasons than just the cleanliness).  I could easily live there some day.  Korean food... (*sigh) I miss it a lot!!!

After Korea, when we were back in Wuhan, we moved... but you already read how I feel about my new apartment, so I won't rehash it again.

Our school hosted an English camp for some of the local Chinese students.  To be totally honest, I was dreading it.  I did not want to do the summer English camp as my CR project this summer, but I didn't really have a choice.  For having such a bad attitude going into it, I can't believe I ended up loving it as much as I did.  Our group of students were really fun!

Chinese classes were fun.  My teacher was teaching me through the use of ancient chinese stories.  After we finished one, she pulled out a video camera and made me do a puppet show (all in chinese) to explain the story.  I just know that video is going to come back to haunt me some day...

Now:
We are a week and one half into the school year and so far, so good.  I've found an enjoyment for teaching again... which is a miracle in and of itself.
I've left school at decent times, have had time to read, am volunteering at a local coffee shop once a week, and feeling good about life!  I know we haven't really quite gotten into the midst of normal school life yet, but I'm thinking this year is going to be good, but most importantly I'm feeling like me again.
Last year some pessimist, overly frustrated and stressed person took over me.  I wouldn't say I'm necessarily a "bubbly" person, but I usually have some bubbles... last year, all bubbles were gone.  I'm back though and it feels good to be Abby again.

I would love to give more detail on life, but I'm tapping out for now.  I need sleep.
Thanks for reading,
Abs

"House of Mirrors"

Hey Everyone!  I hope you are all well! 

I’m quite sure that talking to me is similar to riding a roller coaster.  This year (meaning August ’11 to now) has been one of many trials, triumphs, tears, and victories. One day when someone talks to me, everything is cool but if they ask again in a week I’ve done a 180.  Actually, I think I’m getting a case of “motion sickness” from it all!  HAHA!  (I’m kind of proud of the analogy I just made… I’m not much of a writer… so this makes me happy!)

This past week has been über busy.  It was the last week for my students to work on their science fair projects before this coming week of due dates, in-class presentations, judging, and then the big event of Science Fair on Friday.

Staring me in the face is a “To Do” list about a mile long.  As I will be busy with Science Fair details and grading I really need to have all my math classes prepared before the week starts so I don’t have to worry about those things during the week.  I am also looking at my non-existent life science plans for the rest of the year and become very anxious that I’ll have to start teaching those non-existent plans come next week.  (eek!)  I also have a graduate (credits) project due.

It seems to be that in these times when I am most busy are also the times where I’m most attacked.  Feelings of inadequacy, inability, and unworthiness creep in. 

(Add to this that I’m currently having Internet problems at home and cannot contact my mom, who is the person I need to talk to most when I’m feeling this way.  L)

(Pause for a moment: I can’t help but tell you a quick funny thing.  It’s Sunday here, and I came to this small coffee shop “e Coffee” right after fellowship to start work on school stuff.  I opted to come here instead of an equally close Starbucks because Starbucks seems to have an abundance of traffic, especially with people that I know.  Not that I’m trying to avoid them, just that I wanted a quiet place to work with few distractions.  All of this to tell you that about 10 minutes of getting settled into my seat and the commencement of “penning” this blog, first, one of my bosses walks in and sits right across from me (not at the same table but at the next table), and second, behind him came a group of 9 people who rearranged the whole room so they can meet/talk. Haha!  How ironic!)

[Anyway… back to my never ceasing feelings of inadequacy… ;) ]

Yesterday (Saturday), I went to the school around 9:30AM with the goal of crossing off most of my to do list.  I knew that I’d be there for a while so I even took slippers with me so I could get comfortable. 

In the midst of my work and my mind churning over how I was going to get everything accomplished, a song come on.  (Let me clarify, it wasn’t magic in the sense that my iPod turned on by itself… it was already playing music but a certain song came on that really struck me.)

House of Mirrors by Tenth Avenue North (*I know this group has been around for a while, I’ve even had some of their music for at least a year now, but I’ve just started to really listen to them… I HIGHLY recommend this group!)

You can’t seem to see past your own reflection

Caught up in the halls of your introspection

And you’re staring at your mirror on the wall

Asking “who is the fairest of them all?”

‘Cause Lord I know, it’s not me

If only you could see

That you’ve already been set free

Well come on, come on

Let’s throw our mirrors down

Yeah come on, come on

Let’s shatter the glass on the ground

Well you say “hold on, if I could just try this one thing.

Well I know I can change and that would change everything”

But a house made of mirrors never helped you see any clearer

It’s yourself you can’t see past

And Lord, isn’t that just like me?

If only we could see, that He’s already set us free

Well come on, come on

Let’s throw our mirrors down

Yeah come on, come on

Let’s shatter the glass on the ground

Oh, oh

Freedom’s waiting for you now

So come on, come on

And throw your mirrors down

Come on, if you’re tired take a step outside

You might find that you can forget about yourself tonight

Oh, come on if you’re tired of failed attempts to try

Freedom’s waiting when you look outside

Come on, if you’re tired take a step outside

You might find you can forget about yourself tonight

Yeah, come if you’re tired of your failed attempts to try

Freedom is waiting when you look outside

Well come on, come on

Let’s throw our mirrors down

Yeah come on, come on

Let’s shatter the glass on the ground

Freedom’s waiting for you now

So come on, come on and throw your mirrors down

As I was listening to these words I was hit with the truth that this song conveys.  We often find ourselves in a “house of mirrors” where we get caught up in our inadequacies and our failures because we aren’t able to look past ourselves and the things we aren’t able to do.  But the WONDERFUL thing is that God doesn’t see us that way.   When HE looks at those who have put their trust/faith in HIM, HE sees HIS son, the ONE who gave HIMSELF for us!  It was in this epiphany (if you can call it that), that I was reminded of verses like, “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me” and “the LORD seeth not as man seeth, for man looketh on the outward apperance, but the LORD lookth on the heart.” 

It’s easy for me to get caught up in what I can and cannot do… I think it is in part what our American culture teaches us, that we are worth as much as we are able to accomplish.  God has not called me to be the best at everything; rather, HE has called me to be my best in, through, and because of HIM.  …and that is what makes a world of difference. 

So, come on!  Let’s throw our mirrors down!  Let’s shatter the glass on the ground!  Freedom is waiting for us now!

On a lighter note, I got to talk to my mom yesterday!  Yea!

I’m figuring out some of the Internet problems I’m having and am sure the entire thing will be resolved soon!  Yea!

I have spring break plans to go to Shanghai and soak up some rest/relaxation!  Yea!

I’m starting an Arbonne 30 Day Fit plan thingy.  Yea???  Maybe Nea??  Haha!  (at least two meals a day will be already planned out for me… that is a for sure Yea!)

My heart seems to be handling the stress well!  Yea!

I have great friends and awesome family members!  All in all, I've been blessed with an incredible support group!  Yea!

*I picked a spot in this small coffee shop where I can people watch.   The workers just lowered the shades though, so now I can’t see the people that I was watching!!!  I think it is a sign to stop blogging and to start working!  Haha!

Love ya’ll!  Thanks for reading, especially if you made it this far!!  One thing I’ve finding out about myself is that I’m pretty long winded… I must take after my dad!   (If you’re reading this dad, that was said purely out of love!!!) 

A long awaited update

Whoa!  It has been a long time! 

My last post was in October, and there is a very good reason for that.  As most of you know, because most of you are also facebook friends with me, it was this past October when I experienced my first (and hopefully last) hospital stay in China.  I know I can be a bit “winded” when a lot of time has passed since my last post, but I will try my best to keep this brief.

About 12:30 AM on October 11 I woke up with bouts of nausea and chest pain, with a very irregular heartbeat that would lessen and comeback in 45 minute cycles.  Obviously, I didn’t make it into work that day and at about 2pm, when I decided it was probably time to get some medical advice, I called a parent of one of my students who is a doctor and offers her skills to help us foreigners out.  She was very concerned and told me to go to a local hospital where she met me.

After some tests and such, the hospital wanted to keep me overnight.  We (the parent-doctor and I) agreed, but when I got to my room (with three beds) we found out a man would also logging in the same room…. Which is when the parent-doctor sent me to a hospital on the other side of town (about a 45 minute taxi ride).

I was given a room on the cardiology floor where I was the only foreigner and the only patient under the age of 40… maybe even 50.  My roommate was an elderly Chinese woman who really enjoyed having a young foreign roommate.  She especially liked to compliment me on my very white skin while she stroked my arm with her unwashed potty hand… I have germ issues. 

Oh, this would be the time to mention some differences in the Chinese hospital system:

• ·      They do not provide hand soap to use after the bathroom
• ·      They do not provide toilet paper
• ·      They do not provide food
• ·      Although they have no smoking signs up, they do not stop someone from smoking if they so wish

Never fear though, I was not alone.  First I had two wonderful Chinese friends who stayed with me (even overnight) to help translate and to keep me company.  Also, many people from the school community came to visit as well as to make sure I had everything I needed (food and HANDSOAP!!!!).

While at the hospital I had many tests, iv’s given, and blood taken. They originally told me everything was fine in an effort to not make me worry, but when the parent-doctor talked to them, they finally told her the truth about my condition, which was that a wall in my heart was stiff. 

I left after 3 nights there, only after being invited to my hospital roommate’s house for tea sometime… and to marry her grandson.   

When I tried to transition back to work life, it didn’t go over so well, so the parent-doctor suggested I go up to Beijing to have a foreign trained cardiologist look at me.

I went, she said I’d eventually be okay and prescribed me some medicine to take as needed.

There are many stories from the hospital I could share… but I have more to write about, so I will not take the time to do so here.

In an effort to be completely open and honest, I would say the rest of the semester after that hospital stay was probably one of the “roughest” times in my life, which I know compared to some other’s lives is not really “rough”… but it was rough for me. 

Satan knows exactly how to bring me down with self-doubt.  I doubted my ability to teach, I doubted my purpose here, I doubted my ability to finish the school year and/or the two-year contract.  I had no passion, no drive, and no energy to do anything at all. 

Then, with the HIS glorious timing I got to go home for a month over the Christmas break.  Our Christmas break is not usually a month long, but this year was a special year.  Being home rejuvenated me.  I was really scared that it was going to take every ounce of strength to return to China, but God really filled me with a peace about coming back and He even gave me a “driven” attitude to not just “get through” the rest of the year, but to really thrive and live.

I’m not going to say that being back has been a breeze, because that would be a lie, but I can say that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed being back.  I’m even enjoying the education profession (at the end of the last semester I never wanted to teach again).  Granted it’s only been 3 weeks back, so I know it’s going to get hard… actually it’s already started to get hard, but I’m trying to keep some boundaries: saying no when I need to, taking a break when I’m getting stressed, and so on.  HE is redeeming last semester, and it is so cool to see HIM work. 

There is so much more I could write about, but I’ve already gone past my intended length. 

Hopefully, this is a start to more regular updates, stories, and thoughts.

Thanks for all the prayers.  They have been heard and answered!  Thank you so much… I can’t tell you how much it means to me to know I have people praying for me.