You want to know what the biggest fail has been since I’ve
been back in China? Just for clarification, I’m talking about when I came
back from my summer home… at the end of July.
The biggest fail has been this blog!!! Ahh!!!
I had made it a goal to update this blog more, and it
obviously just hasn’t happened.
Okay, so super brief summary of what this school year has
been like so far:
(In one word)
AAAAAARGH!!!!! (…does that
count as a word?)
(In a mantra) I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.
There are several different reasons for this year being
tough, and I won’t bore you with all of the details, but just know that it’s
been tough… and I’m not just speaking on my behalf. It’s been tough for most of the teachers.
Anyway, with the craziness of this year, I’ve been overly
aware of the lack of contentment in my life.
It’s so hard to go onto facebook and see family events
taking place, pictures of new babies of friends and family, updates on what
people doing on the weekends when I’m working on the weekend so I can survive the week.
Then the human side of my brain starts asking… why,
Lord? Why am I not married? Why don’t I have any kids? Why did you call me to this place where
I’m at and for this time? Why
did you send me to a small school where there’s so much work to be done?
Why? Why? Why?
Then the more spiritual side of my brain stops the human
side to ask… who are you to be asking the Creator of the Universe these kinds
of questions?
(Yes, I realize I just openly admitted to having
conversations/fights in my head)
After these arguments consumed my thinking for
about a good month or so, I started to realize how desperate I was for God’s
contentment in my life and along with that, how much I needed a good old
bleaching of the desires and things I thought I deserve.
I know I’m doing what I am supposed to be doing, but I
actually want to enjoy it and not feel like I’m missing out on something if I
were somewhere else. Thus, started
what I call my journey to contentment.
Like with most things in the spiritual context, it’s more of
a process then POOF, now I’m content.
I’ve bought some books (haven’t had the chance to read them
yet), listened to a couple of Alistair Begg’s Truth for Life broadcasts, and am
currently pondering Philippians 4.
I guess the biggest truth I’ve learned so far is that true
contentment is a grace that God gives us.
There isn’t anything that I can do or anything that I can change in my
life that will make me more content, it is only from God that I can receive
true contentment.
So, that has been my prayer this year. Although, I won’t deny the fact that there
are some things that I’d like to be changed for next year (or even this year,
if possible), my biggest prayer request is that despite the situation I find
myself in, I will be content.
Content with the situation, content with my abilities to deal with the
situation, content with the amount of time I have to “chill”; that in all
aspects of my life, I will be content.
In other, less “deep” news:
- It’s finally cooling down here in Wuhan, meaning I can actually walk outside and not sweat!
- When I facetime/skype with my niece, she recognizes me and calls me “B”, which makes my heart super happy!
- I hate cleaning and my roommate prefers not to cook, so I asked her one day if she’d be willing to do a deep clean of my room (which includes my bathroom) if I cooked for 2 weeks, and she agreed!!! MUAHAHA!
- Some say she's getting the better end of the deal, but I'm pretty sure I am... it's all about perspective!
- Our school is not moving in October as was expected – it looks like it could possibly happen in December.
- I will not be coming home for Christmas, but I have not given up hope of possibly coming home over Chinese New Year.
- There are more foreign things (restaurants, stores) in my area now! It’s so crazy how much this area has changed in 5 years.
Prayer Requests:
- Contentment (that’s an obvious one)
- Clear direction of future decisions
- Clear direction of when and with what to get involved in over here
- Right now, I’m on a rotation to help set up and serve coffee on Sundays, but I’m unable to do most of the activities I did last year (cooking class, Word study, volunteering at the coffee shop), and I’m really bummed about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment